Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
About Deviant Official Beta Tester Failure made FleshUnited States Groups :iconangel-fallsda: Angel-FallsDA
Angel Falls
Recent Activity
Deviant for 11 Years
5 Month Premium Membership:
Given by RaveWolf
Statistics 1,129 Deviations 4,160 Comments 131,750 Pageviews

Newest Deviations

Random Favourites

deviation in storage by InkBones
deviation in storage by InkBones
deviation in storage by InkBones
deviation in storage by InkBones

Activity


Ancient: Louis Nekkid by Heckfire
Ancient: Louis Nekkid
One of the last pics of Louis I ever drew, this was the banner pic for "Animalia After Dark," an adult-themed Yahoo group I founded based on my catch-all furry group, "Kingdom Animalia." The one in the group has the "KA" logo tattooed to her shoulder, but this is the raw artwork.

Needless to say, by this time she had SIGNIFICANTLY changed from how she had been, and, honestly, it wasn't really for the better. In the intervening years, between the last pic and this one, I had decided that my best plan for getting Louis out of her violent rut was to get into her head, so I made her an online RP character in the old AOL chatroom world of RhyDin. Since I was in the early stages of many, many problems with my then-wife, though, Louis became something of a sticking point between us, since she felt me giving Louis sexuality was a betrayal of the character. She may be right, honestly...the more sexy Louis became, the less like "Louis" she was. But, then again, wasn't that what I was trying to do in the first place, since what she was was tied into David's murder?

Eventually, I realized that all my changes to her basically amounted to me beating a dead horse, and, on my 30th birthday, I finally retired Louis Fender once and for all. She's still a part of me, though, and I see echoes of her in many of my other characters, particularly Maisy. Part of me wants to try and bring her back...I figger enough time has passed, maybe it's time I gave vent to my old rage impulses and let the bitch run free again.

Who knows...maybe I will, maybe not.
Loading...
Ancient: LouisMob by Heckfire
Ancient: LouisMob
A failed inking attempt salvaged from a damaged sketchbook that I still consider one of the best pictures I have ever done, as well as proof of why I should never try and ink my artwork. As you can see, I was going through a Tarantino phase at the time...as you can also see, I also learned how to draw guns for a change.

After David's murder, I shelved Louis for several months...Hell, I couldn't even LOOK at her, much less draw her again. It was actually my now-ex-then-girlfriend who convinced me to try and rework her into something I COULD deal with. See, at the time, the "bad girl" craze was in full effect in comics, but most, if not ALL, of them were chesty, scantily-clad porno pinups whose character development typically started and ended with their cup size, and she thought Louis could be a more I guess "realistic" take on the concept.

Yeah, the pixy-winged felinoid alien as more realistic than Fairchild and Lady Death...well, yeah, honestly, I can see that...anyway...

The problem is that before, she was all about the gunplay...her original origin was that her race, the felnyans, go into a sort of coma at puberty and remain that way for several years, and once they emerge from it, their mind absorbs every bit of stimulus it can get and that forms the basis of their new personality. Louis had been the daughter of the felnyan diplomat to Earth, and she was to be surrounded by the finest of Earth culture when she emerged from her "puberty trance." Instead, her would-be classmates broke her out of her dorm and dragged her to an all-day, all-night action movie festival at the local cineplex, which, as luck would have it, is when she emerged from the coma and started absorbing everything she witnessed.

An origin like that leaves much room for leeway, though, based on what movies were playing at the cinema (her original appearance had a headband and a "Stallone Fan Club" t-shirt, after all)...over the years, it's changed from an "Action-Movie-Thon" to a "Hong Kong cinema-thon" to a "Tarantino-thon" to a "Jet Li-a-thon" and so on. No points for guessing which was the "-thon" at the time this was drawn...

However, at the time there was another popular thing going around: No Fear t-shirts. My friend Alex and I came up with the idea of "one upping" the No Fear slogan shirts under the name "Pure Evil," based on the tattoo I said Louis had of a smiley face and the words "100% PURE EVIL." Most were...well, pretty bad. I still like the one of her sitting behind a goldfish bowl holding a power drill while the water drained from it and the fish inside looked panicked. The caption? "EVOLVE OR DIE"

For fairly obvious reasons, this never went anywhere.
Loading...
Ancient: Louis Fender by Heckfire
Ancient: Louis Fender
Dipping back into the 90s with this one, folks...technically, even back to the 80s. This was my oldest and dearest character from freshman year of high school all the way up to just before I moved out of California.

This is Louis Fender..."Not 'Loo-ee,' LOUIS, as in 'Lou is gonna beat your ass in if you call me 'LOO-EE' again." I created her as part of a group of "Teenagers From Outer Space" characters loosely based on preview art for a TFOS/Ninja High School crossover that was advertised in the last issue of the NHS mini that never came about. Of course, since my anime experience at the time was limited to "Robotech" and "Battle of The Planets," I had no idea what an anime catgirl typically was like, so Louis ended up...well, the exact opposite of them: she was violent, foul-mouthed, asexual, rude, crude, and full of 'tude. She was what early "gangsta" culture seemed like to a white suburban boy, despite being blonde-haired and blue eyed (later violet, when I went through my online RP phase), and was later described as "a female Lobo" (original Rob Zombie model, not the horrible New52 version). She was every violent impulse of a lifetime of horrific abuse compressed into one 5'6" (6' if you count the ears) orange-furred, pixie-winged ball of barely contained rage, and she was, for my community college years, my most popular creation. In fact, my friend David was planning on sponsoring her as the Security Team mascot for ConFurence '06, a SoCal furry con he was on the planning committee for; he was also going to introduce me "officially" to the furry art community at that convention too.

The week before the convention, he went out for beers with his buddy, who I only knew as "Metalhead"...just a walk to the corner liquor store down the street from where he, his wife, and their kid lived, no big deal. The two of them were found the next morning, handcuffed together and both shot in the head, "execution style"...apparently, they'd been the initiation for a local all-girl gang who'd been making trouble in the area. 20 years later, to my knowledge, the killers are still at large.

Now, with that in mind, take a look at the picture above...you can probably guess at the gut-sinking feeling I felt. Suddenly, my most popular character seemed a tacit endorsement of the type of people who murdered her biggest fan. I drew a picture that I left at the memorial where his body was found of her trademark pistols shoved barrel-first into the ground, along with a note signed by her that said "NO MORE."

It wasn't the end of Louis, though.
Loading...
Arguably the worst part of having a meltdown like that and not following through is having to face up to people afterwards...compared to the alternative, though...

This was the worst breakdown I've had in years, since going off the Cymbalta back in 2011. At least this time, I can say that, since I'm now forced by federal law to shell out over a hundred monthly (could be worse...original estimates were almost $400) for medical insurance, I can find a real therapist and not that horrible place I went to before, which I intend to do. I know none of you believe my intent this time, but...it was bad, and I don't want it to happen again.

Anyway...sorry. I'll try not to bother you all again.
It doesn't get better. Ten years and I've, at best, maintained some kind of upright stability while continuing to sink. I have no dreams. I have no talent. I have no prospects. I have no future. My days are spent alone. I'm pretty much invisible to everyone. SO why did I fight so hard to keep breathing? Why didn't I put an end to this failure of an existence while I still had the guts to do it?

Hope kills. Or at least I wish it did. It's all I have left and I've run out.

That stupid fucking mouse was the last thing I've drawn, and nobody even noticed. I haven't written anything since the creative writing class almost two years ago that I was convinced would be good for me and ended up costing me over a thousand dollars in wasted money and taxes. I am worthless, talentless, hopeless, and I can't even bear to look at myself in the mirror anymore.

All I see are "you need friends to succeed, you draw strength from the people who believe in you" and I look around and I see walls and useless toys and nobody around. Even my Skype friends are sick of me always being depressed, and most of them have so much going one that THEY need help with and I'm too useless to do anything but commiserate. I am a rotten friend and a rotten person. My sister is right, I am a monster.

I don't even know why I'm typing this. I don't have the courage to end it. I'm gonna wither away to nothing and nobody will notice or care, same as the first 40 years of my life. I am a waste of space and time and effort and the best this will get me is pity and more likely scorn and snark if anyone even bothers to read it at all.

I told myself that last year was "The Year I Get Better" and this year is "The Year I Get Published." I also told myself that people loved me once. Guess I'm a better liar than I get credit for.

I stayed alive to be a role model to my son. All I've taught him is how to lose. Yay me. The people who hate me celebrate, the people who betrayed me prosper, the people who abandoned me live happy, fruitful lives now that I'm no longer a part of them.

Maybe I should take the fucking hint.

deviantID

Heckfire's Profile Picture
Heckfire
Failure made Flesh
United States
Current Residence: Middle of Gaea's Buttcrack, CO
Favourite genre of music: Miscellaneous
Operating System: WinXP (part of a settlement)
Skin of choice: Naked
Favourite cartoon character: Either Spike Speigel or Bender
Personal Quote: "Grab a shovel-I'm one skull away from a Mouseketeer reunion." -Bender
Interests
Arguably the worst part of having a meltdown like that and not following through is having to face up to people afterwards...compared to the alternative, though...

This was the worst breakdown I've had in years, since going off the Cymbalta back in 2011. At least this time, I can say that, since I'm now forced by federal law to shell out over a hundred monthly (could be worse...original estimates were almost $400) for medical insurance, I can find a real therapist and not that horrible place I went to before, which I intend to do. I know none of you believe my intent this time, but...it was bad, and I don't want it to happen again.

Anyway...sorry. I'll try not to bother you all again.

Do you ever hesitate to +Fav someone's pic because you don't want them to think you're turned on by it? 

60%
21 deviants said Are you mental? Of course not!
40%
14 deviants said Yeah, sometimes.

Visitors

Shoutbox

zimaja:iconzimaja:
hi!
Tue Jul 29, 2014, 6:08 AM
zimaja:iconzimaja:
:kiss:
Wed Jul 16, 2014, 8:45 AM
ChaosEntity13
don't mind me, I from the shadows
Tue Jan 8, 2013, 10:08 AM
mystiquegrl:iconmystiquegrl:
Shoutbox! Heeeello~ everyone!
Sat Feb 19, 2011, 5:01 PM
lolistick
How dis this get here?
Sun Feb 6, 2011, 8:27 AM
Heckfire:iconheckfire:
...wait, I have a shoutbox now?
Mon May 31, 2010, 10:15 PM
greatshoyru:icongreatshoyru:
Time to fill this box up.
Sun May 9, 2010, 3:14 PM
dementedpixie:icondementedpixie:
Allo to ye ^_^
Sun Aug 29, 2004, 9:09 AM
Nobody

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconryonma:
Ryonma Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2014  Hobbyist
Thanks for the watch! Nice sketches :D
Reply
:iconbracey100:
Bracey100 Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Thanks for the watch.
Reply
:iconnoxv:
NoXV Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2014  Student Filmographer
thanks for the :+fav:
Reply
:iconmmichita:
mmichita Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
thanks for the fav!
Reply
:iconhotrod-302:
HotRod-302 Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2014
Happy belated birthday!
Reply
:icondjgaijin:
djgaijin Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014
Happy birthday, Heck!
Reply
:icondarkdarling98:
Darkdarling98 Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2014  Hobbyist
:iconcolorfulsparklesplz: Happy birthday! :iconrainbowbummiecakeplz: :party: :iconrenarikaspinplz: Hope you had an really awesome day! :iconlovelyhugplz: :iconcolorfulsparklesplz:
Reply
:icondrac017:
Drac017 Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Happy Birthday. :)
Reply
:iconbro-harl:
Bro-Harl Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2014
:boogie::party::iconhappybirthdayplz::party::boogie:
Reply
:iconagamemnonahb:
AgamemnonAhb Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2014
Happy Birthday Heck!
Reply
Add a Comment: