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About Deviant Official Beta Tester Failure made FleshUnited States Groups :iconangel-fallsda: Angel-FallsDA
Angel Falls
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Given by RaveWolf
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Do you ever hesitate to +Fav someone's pic because you don't want them to think you're turned on by it?
67%
18 deviants said Are you mental? Of course not!
33%
9 deviants said Yeah, sometimes.
Do you ever hesitate to +Fav someone's pic because you don't want them to think you're turned on by it?

I think I'll toss this one into the poll area...


So, day before New Year's, I learned that my uncle died on the 19th, the same day my PSN account was hacked and the same day I'd decided to try and attempt to reconnect to my family by getting Christmas presents for the niece and nephew I barely know.

What makes me feel bad is that I was less upset about his death and not being told about it than I was about the realization that my attempt at making up for being a shitty uncle would just be seen as me feeling guilty over a death I never even knew happened; I was even told that much when I found out and called my parents about it.

Truth be known, I barely knew him; he was already in his 50s by my earliest memories of him. He was a sweet man, though, he and his wife, my mom's sister; every birthday up until my 20s they'd always send us checks for $20, which when you're 10 or so is a SHITLOAD of money, especially in the early 80s.

Honestly, though, my aunt's death hit me harder than his...he was lost to dementia, not sure if it was Alzheimer's related or not, shortly after I'd followed my ex out to Colorado. When she died a few years ago, on the day before my birthday, he didn't even recognize her and couldn't understand why people kept telling him about this strange woman's death. That was the most horrifying thing I'd ever heard; they'd been together since the 40s, devoted almost their entire lives to each other, and when she died he didn't even know who she was. To live together for all your life with someone, to have them outlive you, yet to still be alone when your end came...I still have nightmares about it. I'd like to think that, if there is an afterlife, she was waiting for him, and he recognized her the minute he arrived.

Still, maybe his death affected me more than I realized...I did say the idea to try and stop being such a shitty uncle happened the day my own uncle died, even without me knowing about it. Maybe it wasn't a coincidence.

SO, I discovered something that unexpectedly pissed me off, namely seeing the pencil art of a really popular artist and realizing it's total GARBAGE and that their style is ENTIRELY due to digital skills. And then they post a note about how they already have over 8000 watchers in just a couple of years while I've been on dA for a decade and just hit 742. I'm not even a "cult classic" like I used to joke.

Y'know, I ain't gonna piss on their lack of pencil skills...Hell, it's not even THEM I'm pissed AT. What pissed me off is that I taught myself how to draw back in 1986 with pencil on paper and THAT is how I've been drawing for almost 30 years, and in the past 10 or 11 the one thing I keep hearing, on those RARE occasions someone outside of my usual circle deigns to comment on my artwork, is "So, when are you going to finish it?"

And any time I mention to someone about my frustration at this, their response is INEVITABLY "Well, learn to draw with a tablet."

I HAVE BEEN DRAWING THE EXACT SAME WAY FOR THREE DECADES, DO YOU THINK IT'S THAT EASY TO SUDDENLY TEACH YOURSELF A BRAND NEW WAY OF DOING SOMETHING THAT GOES TOTALLY CONTRARY TO EVERYTHING YOU NORMALLY DO?

Do you know what it's like to have to try and teach yourself how to draw by NOT putting lines on paper that you can see and touch and FUCKING SMELL EVEN and how to draw by NOT LOOKING AT WHERE YOUR HAND IS BUT BY LOOKING AT A FUCKING COMPUTER SCREEN IN A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT LOCATION and how to color NOT by putting pigments you mix or EVEN MORE FUCKING PENCILS to AN ACTUALLY PIECE OF PAPER WHERE YOU CAN SEE THE LINES YOU JUST DREW?

I mean, fuck, it took me THIS long to get my EXISTING skills to their current level. How long will it take me to get to this point in A COMPLETELY NEW MEDIUM?

...OK, I take full blame for not having inking skills, though. It was the fucking 80s, though, if you wanted to be a comic book penciller, you typically handed your PENCIL WORK, HENCE THE NAME, to an INKER. I was ACTUALLY TOLD BY PROFESSIONALS IN THE INDUSTRY at the SDCC that inking my own stuff looked BAD in professional comics.

Y'know what, though? FUCK IT...if it's so goddamn easy, like everyone keep telling me, then I'm gonna fucking do it. First official New Year's FUCKING Resolution of 2015: by this time next year, I will be a practicing color digital artist.

I taught myself the skills I already have, I taught myself how to drive, I taught myself how to FUCKING READ AND TELL TIME AT TWO FUCKING YEARS OLD.

This SHIT ends NOW.
Well, this was certainly an..."exciting" holiday. Weird thing is, despite that, this is the first Christmas in years that I, well, actually feel legitimately and reasonably "jolly" I guess.

This has been a rough year for most of us, and next year ain't looking like it's gonna be much better...but we'll survive it. We've all been through worse, and we'll come out the other side of this one, maybe battered and bruised, but intact and stronger for it.

For now, though, let's enjoy our brief respite and try and remember what makes us happy. Grab a cup of your cheer of choice and raise one to those who have passed, who have stayed, and those who have yet to come.

Happy Holidays, folks.

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Heckfire
Failure made Flesh
United States
Current Residence: Middle of Gaea's Buttcrack, CO
Favourite genre of music: Miscellaneous
Operating System: WinXP (part of a settlement)
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Favourite cartoon character: Either Spike Speigel or Bender
Personal Quote: "Grab a shovel-I'm one skull away from a Mouseketeer reunion." -Bender
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Do you ever hesitate to +Fav someone's pic because you don't want them to think you're turned on by it?

I think I'll toss this one into the poll area...

Do you ever hesitate to +Fav someone's pic because you don't want them to think you're turned on by it? 

67%
18 deviants said Are you mental? Of course not!
33%
9 deviants said Yeah, sometimes.

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zimaja:iconzimaja:
hi!
Tue Jul 29, 2014, 6:08 AM
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:kiss:
Wed Jul 16, 2014, 8:45 AM
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don't mind me, I from the shadows
Tue Jan 8, 2013, 10:08 AM
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Shoutbox! Heeeello~ everyone!
Sat Feb 19, 2011, 5:01 PM
lolistick
How dis this get here?
Sun Feb 6, 2011, 8:27 AM
Heckfire:iconheckfire:
...wait, I have a shoutbox now?
Mon May 31, 2010, 10:15 PM
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Time to fill this box up.
Sun May 9, 2010, 3:14 PM
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Allo to ye ^_^
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Comments


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:iconryonma:
Ryonma Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2014  Hobbyist
Thanks for the watch! Nice sketches :D
Reply
:iconbracey100:
Bracey100 Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Thanks for the watch.
Reply
:iconnoxv:
NoXV Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2014  Student Filmographer
thanks for the :+fav:
Reply
:iconmmichita:
mmichita Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
thanks for the fav!
Reply
:iconhotrod-302:
HotRod-302 Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2014
Happy belated birthday!
Reply
:icondjgaijin:
djgaijin Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014
Happy birthday, Heck!
Reply
:icondarkdarling98:
Darkdarling98 Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2014  Hobbyist
:iconcolorfulsparklesplz: Happy birthday! :iconrainbowbummiecakeplz: :party: :iconrenarikaspinplz: Hope you had an really awesome day! :iconlovelyhugplz: :iconcolorfulsparklesplz:
Reply
:icondrac017:
Drac017 Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Happy Birthday. :)
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:iconbro-harl:
Bro-Harl Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2014
:boogie::party::iconhappybirthdayplz::party::boogie:
Reply
:iconagamemnonahb:
AgamemnonAhb Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2014
Happy Birthday Heck!
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