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Kiha Brax by Heckfire
Kiha Brax
So, I got so fed up with being art blocked that, the other night, I basically sat down and said to myself, "Fine, draw WHATEVER, I don't care."

To my surprise, this was the result. To those who don't know, this is Kiha Brax, a dragon hatchling I adopted a couple years back from RisingDragon. I'm still not sure what TYPE of dragon she is...I originally said she was an iron dragon due to her armored appearance (her egg was simply a "Warrior" egg, based on the D&D character class), but everything I've found on iron dragons, from Wikipedia to D&D websites, keep contradicting each other. Iron dragons are the greatest of the good metallics, iron dragons are evil weaklings, iron dragons are intelligent, iron dragons are vain and outsmarted by greens...yada fucking yada.

So, for now, she's just Kiha Brax, a species of one.
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[10:07:49 PM] Ness VII: I just posted something I'm ashamed of, and I got a comment that it's "amazing"
[10:08:24 PM] Thomas Lee: I know those feels, man.
[10:08:31 PM] Thomas Lee: It that butt pic?
[10:08:34 PM] Ness VII: yes.
[10:08:44 PM] Thomas Lee: Saw it on my FA
[10:09:04 PM] Thomas Lee: Anything hyper-sized will get loads of attention.
[10:09:14 PM] Thomas Lee: I call it the Winger Effect.
[10:09:37 PM] Thomas Lee: Just ask Mar, I think it pays his rent.
[10:09:52 PM] Ness VII: ..........................................I think I know the reason you aren't getting enough views yourself, Heckfire.
[10:10:02 PM] Thomas Lee: You think?
[10:10:14 PM] Ness VII: Also, I must look into this "winger effect"
[10:10:26 PM] Thomas Lee: Make sure Safe Search is on.
[10:10:40 PM] Thomas Lee: Otherwise I claim no responsibility.
[10:11:00 PM] Ness VII: I was just telling Orin I don't want to die unrecognized and poor despite my efforts like Tesla and Van Gogh did.
[10:11:32 PM] Thomas Lee: Yes, aiming for Stephen King's existence is a noble and lauded goal.
[10:11:39 PM] Thomas Lee: Minus the near-fatal car accident.
[10:12:38 PM] Thomas Lee: Avoiding dying as Phillip K. Dick is my goal as well.
[10:13:41 PM] Thomas Lee: Gonna need some radical medical treatments if I'm gonna avoid the "addicted to painkillers" part, though.
[10:14:17 PM] Thomas Lee: I think I'm too suicidally depressed to worry about the paranoid dementia, though.
[10:14:26 PM] Thomas Lee: So I got that going for me. Which is nice.
[10:15:33 PM] Thomas Lee: ...the frequency in which I quote the groundskeeper from "Caddyshack" is starting to worry me.
[10:17:57 PM] Orin J.: don't let it worry you. you've got enough worries.
[10:19:09 PM] Thomas Lee: Heya Pot, it's me, Kettle.
[10:20:07 PM] Thomas Lee: If I could go to my grave as Bill Murray, I would consider it a life well-lived.
[10:20:34 PM] Thomas Lee: Even taking "The Razor's Edge" into account.
[10:20:52 PM] Thomas Lee: Which was actually not a bad film, it just wasn't as good as the original.
[10:21:00 PM] Orin J.: so drunk, feeling up women half your age and getting away with insanity because nobody is willing to rat you out and ruin their "you'll never belive who i saw!" story?
[10:21:18 PM] Thomas Lee: Sounds like paradise to me.
[10:21:49 PM] Thomas Lee: Especially the second part.
[10:22:45 PM] Orin J.: bill murry's greatest act has truly been retirement.
[10:22:58 PM] Thomas Lee: Living as the cross between an urban legend and an Internet meme...what a country.
[10:24:11 PM] Thomas Lee: And he isn't retired. He just fired his agent in the 80s and now will only take jobs left on his answering machine that sound fun.
[10:24:33 PM] Thomas Lee: Which explains "Space Jam" in many, many ways.
[10:24:47 PM] Ness VII: Which is how Ass Moses Jones was born.
[10:25:17 PM] Thomas Lee: I guiltily admit, I am not familiar with that one.
[10:25:37 PM] Orin J.: osmosis jones.
[10:26:00 PM] Ness VII: It's a movie where Chris Rock plays a paramecium and has Star Wars inside Bill Murray.
[10:26:00 PM] Orin J.: although i can see bill mishearing it and taking the role of ass moses jones.
[10:26:01 PM] Thomas Lee: Hey, I LIKED that movie. I based the male Gorgons off of Thrax.
[10:26:34 PM] Thomas Lee: ...and it wasn't Star Wars, it was Lethal Weapon.
[10:26:43 PM] Ness VII: Exodus 2: The Story of Ass Moses Jones.
[10:27:03 PM] Ness VII: The WIZARD of the HARMONICA
[10:27:04 PM] Ness VII: LOL
[10:27:06 PM] Thomas Lee: Considering what happened to Shatner's character in the final scene.
[10:27:28 PM] Thomas Lee: Let's just say he lived up to the first syllable of his last name.
[10:28:34 PM] Orin J.: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
[10:31:25 PM] Ness VII: youtu.be/0IBC0uXcPKQ
[10:31:38 PM] Ness VII: The whole movie is just 90 minutes of this
[10:31:55 PM] Thomas Lee: What, Osmosis Jones?
[10:32:01 PM] Ness VII: No, Exodus 2.
[10:32:08 PM] Ness VII: I just wrote it.
[10:32:10 PM] Orin J.: i'm too tired to do anything complex like how i colored her right now. sorry.
[10:32:27 PM] Thomas Lee: Impressive.
[10:32:43 PM] Thomas Lee: Wizard of the harmonica, you say?
[10:33:22 PM] Thomas Lee: Sounds like a post-Hollywood insanity Frank Miller comic, for some reason.
[10:33:38 PM] Thomas Lee: "Exodus 2: This Time, It's Personal"
[10:33:40 PM] Orin J.: he wishes
[10:34:29 PM] Thomas Lee: I'm legit surprised no one seems to be talking about DK3: The Master Race. Wasn't the first issue released last month?
[10:34:33 PM] Ness VII: After he frees the Hebrews from Pharaoh, he turns into an old black man and then breaks into a 90-minute harmonica solo.
[10:34:53 PM] Ness VII: Donkey Kong 3: The Master Race.
[10:35:01 PM] Ness VII: Someone's getting gritty.
[10:35:06 PM] Thomas Lee: "Exodus 2: Eclectic Boogaloo"
[10:35:14 PM] Orin J.: while the the bacteria people dance and hambone in the bakcground
[10:35:55 PM] Thomas Lee: ...I was about to make a racism comment until I remembered this joke originally spun out of a talk about Osmosis Jones.
[10:36:19 PM] Ness VII: Ass Moses Jones freed the bacteria Hebrews from Pharaoh Bill Murray.
[10:36:27 PM] Thomas Lee: WIth a fart.
[10:36:47 PM] Orin J.: it was a whistler, so it was worked into the finale cut of the song.
[10:36:55 PM] Thomas Lee: I take it back, this now sounds like a John Krickfalusi joint.
[10:37:17 PM] Ness VII: Joints are the only way to explain John K's work.
[10:37:19 PM] Orin J.: while not lying, i'd like to think my fart jokes have more class than that.
[10:37:46 PM] Thomas Lee: And slightly more sulphur content.
[10:38:18 PM] Thomas Lee: ...gee, I WONDER why JP hasn't said anything yet...
[10:38:41 PM] Ness VII: He sent the 10 plagues including Pepto Bismol, Mucinex, Listerine, and Cortizone.
[10:38:56 PM] Ness VII: He then stopped halfway because he realized he was killing his own people.
[10:39:28 PM] Thomas Lee: His divine prophesy was spoken of in the label of a tube of Preparation H.
[10:39:50 PM] Thomas Lee: They went to the mountains to find it.
[10:40:20 PM] Ness VII: Thou shalt apply liberally to the affected area, whilst staying way from the anal canal.
[10:40:46 PM] Thomas Lee: But the wrods went unheeded. Many were lost in the black hole.
[10:40:51 PM] Ness VII: Know thee William Shatner died that way.
[10:41:06 PM] Thomas Lee: Er, brown hole.
[10:41:39 PM] Thomas Lee: Yea verily, when the log rolls over, we will die, we will die.
[10:41:52 PM] Ness VII: Man, that's an OLD joke.
[10:42:09 PM] Thomas Lee: I prefer the term "vintage."
[10:42:09 PM] Ness VII: I haven't heard that one since junior high.
[10:42:15 PM] Orin J.: it's a stinker all right.
[10:42:22 PM] Thomas Lee: Quite literally.
[10:43:44 PM] Thomas Lee: We're making Biblical humor, you think I wouldn't pull out a shit joke nearly as old?
[10:44:53 PM] Ness VII: We're making Biblical humor based on Osmosis Jones.
[10:44:57 PM] Ness VII: How did this happen
[10:45:00 PM] Thomas Lee: ...part of me wants to save this conversation for prosperity.
[10:45:08 PM] Ness VII: Posterity.
[10:45:14 PM] Ness VII: Posterior.
[10:45:15 PM] Orin J.: this conversation will never prosper.
[10:45:19 PM] Thomas Lee: Posteriority.
[10:45:51 PM] Thomas Lee: Dark Knight 3: The Asster Race
[10:45:52 PM] Orin J.: i know not what gods you people believe in, but i know you are sinning in their eye.
[10:46:10 PM] Ness VII: Hopefully not the brown eye.
[10:46:25 PM] Thomas Lee: Worship the brown star.
[10:46:32 PM] Orin J.: no, that's a dune joke.
[10:46:50 PM] Thomas Lee: Or it shall rain its vengeance upon thee.
[10:46:54 PM] Orin J.: i don't get enouh sleep to do dune jokes.
[10:47:11 PM] Jim Palo: I'm gonna go with being busy posting something as my excuse for not saying anything this time. Either way, I should be getting to bed. Later.
[10:47:22 PM] Ness VII: Later, Jim
[10:47:25 PM] Thomas Lee: And you do NOT want the brown star raining on you.
[10:47:29 PM] Thomas Lee: Night man
[10:47:35 PM] Orin J.: night palo, good job dodging the whole conversation!
[10:47:53 PM] Thomas Lee: Wipe your shoes well.
[10:48:03 PM] Orin J.: i'm barefoot.
[10:48:06 PM] Orin J.: ....shit.
[10:48:09 PM] Orin J.: SHUT IT
[10:48:11 PM] Thomas Lee: Literally.
[10:48:21 PM] Thomas Lee: TOO LATE MOTHAFUCKA
[10:48:38 PM] Thomas Lee: MUAAHAHAAAAA
[10:49:12 PM] Orin J.: yesss, embrace your drive to do things to spite others.....let it feed you, make you strong....
[10:49:15 PM] Ness VII: Dragge notte yon papier beneathe thy solef uponne thy leeving the lavatorie.
[10:49:47 PM] Thomas Lee: Wipeth front to back, nevah the other way round.
[10:50:07 PM] Thomas Lee: Lest yon dingleberries flourish.
[10:50:46 PM] Thomas Lee: Embrace the dark side. Embrace the power of the brown star.
[10:50:47 PM] Ness VII: And verily, the Great One decreed:
"Balls to butt, good to strut.
Butt to balls, get shitty draws."
[10:51:20 PM] Orin J.: or just wax your asshole.
[10:51:52 PM] Thomas Lee: Manscaping. It's not just for Krillin anymore.
[10:51:59 PM] Ness VII: Bill Murray > Moses > Shit Jokes
[10:52:15 PM] Ness VII: The Ness-Orin-Heckfire Triumvirate, ladies and gentlemen!
[10:52:39 PM] Thomas Lee: Fear our power, Brown Lantern's might.
[10:52:55 PM] Ness VII: I don't want none of that light.
[10:52:57 PM] Orin J.: it's this or monstergirl converations, and nobody is willing to be the guy that starts it lately.
[10:53:27 PM] Orin J.: that light it the power cosmic!
[10:53:29 PM] Ness VII: I had to do a translating job, hopefully I can pull away long enough to do it
[10:53:30 PM] Thomas Lee: Didn't 4chan create a whole bunch of new Lantern Corps a few years ago?
[10:53:41 PM] Orin J.: terrax's power cosmic, to be exact.
[10:53:58 PM] Orin J.: i thought it was DC, but i can see thenm poaching off 4chan.
[10:54:19 PM] Thomas Lee: Like the Grey Lanterns, wielding the Light of Apathy?
[10:54:30 PM] Thomas Lee: Or were those the Beige Lanterns?
[10:54:47 PM] Orin J.: i have no strong opinions on this joke!
[10:55:04 PM] Thomas Lee: Never trusted the damn Neutrals.
[10:55:28 PM] Thomas Lee: ...so, the Brown Lantern Corps....what would their "emotion" be?
[10:56:16 PM] Orin J.: shitposting.
[10:56:23 PM] Orin J.: they are "that feel"
[10:56:28 PM] Thomas Lee: ...oh, I LIKE that.
[10:56:54 PM] Orin J.: their first wave of recruits? all of /B/
[10:57:02 PM] Thomas Lee: And their power batteries are tiny toilets with handles.
[10:57:18 PM] Thomas Lee: With the seats perpetually up.
[10:58:13 PM] Orin J.: ness, tell boag we need him. if he agrees i'll add him back in.
[10:58:28 PM] Thomas Lee: Yeah, we need a Brown Lantern Oath.
[10:59:02 PM] Ness VII: dunno if he's on, he hasn't shitposted all day.
[10:59:08 PM] Ness VII: His battery must be low.
[10:59:16 PM] Thomas Lee: He is our Killowog.
[10:59:26 PM] Ness VII: Kilo-Log.
[10:59:29 PM] Thomas Lee: ...make that Guy Gardener.
[10:59:59 PM] Ness VII: If he trolls over, we will die, we will die.
[11:00:07 PM] Thomas Lee: Nice callback.


[11:19:11 PM] Ness VII: Though our toilet's clogged, and paper gone,
We fight for the right to use the john
The bowl is stained, the rim is pelted,
But whoever smelt it, dealt it.
[11:19:25 PM] Thomas Lee: I likeit.
[11:19:35 PM] Thomas Lee: I only got the first three lines of mine
[11:19:50 PM] Thomas Lee: "In posted thread or toilet bowl,
We share the wit of dankest troll,
Let those who don't replace the roll,"
[11:19:50 PM] Ness VII: T'weren't easy.
[11:20:00 PM] Thomas Lee: ...something.
[11:20:34 PM] Orin J.: take it in the tighetest hole?
[11:20:39 PM] Thomas Lee: ...
[11:20:45 PM] Thomas Lee: ...I could kiss you, Orin.
[11:20:54 PM] Orin J.: not with that mouth you couldn't!
[11:20:56 PM] Thomas Lee: ALL THE HOMO
[11:21:36 PM] Thomas Lee: I legit don't know which one I wanna use, mine and Orin's or Ness'?


[12:03:21 AM] Ness VII: That'll do, pig. That'll do.
[12:03:41 AM] Thomas Lee: Babe: the first Brown Lantern?
[12:04:14 AM] Thomas Lee: The reds have Dex-Star, the greens Ch'p, the blues Hope Corgi...
[12:04:49 AM] Thomas Lee: The Brown Lanterns have Sq'weee, the cosmic hog.
[12:05:33 AM] Ness VII: Baa Ram Ewe! Baa Ram Ewe!
To your rolls, your bowls and your holes, be true!
Shit be true, Baa Ram Ewe!
[12:05:50 AM] Thomas Lee: What, a third oath now?
[12:05:57 AM] Ness VII: That's what I thought
[12:06:26 AM] Ness VII: Better than anything we came up with.
[12:06:36 AM] Thomas Lee: I dunno, I still like mine.
[12:07:15 AM] Ness VII: Maybe they're so apathetic they can't settle on a single oath.
[12:08:13 AM] Ness VII: To date, the Brown Lanterns now have 540 oaths, all of them stored in the great Galactic Suppository.
[12:08:17 AM] Ness VII: Er, Depository.
[12:09:07 AM] Thomas Lee: My favorite Lantern Corps headcanon is that male Star Sapphires wear their power rings on their cocks, that's why they were banned.
[12:09:33 AM] Ness VII: (Sinestro did not call 911 from his car)
[12:09:52 AM] Thomas Lee: The grassy knoll was a ring construct.
[12:10:31 AM] Thomas Lee: There IS a lizard Illuminati, but they were assigned by the pre-New 52 Guardians, so it's alright.
[12:10:41 AM] Ness VII: Kilo-Log acted alone... because no one would go to the bathroom with him.
[12:11:02 AM] Thomas Lee: Too afraid of learning what a "poozer" actually IS.
Ancient: Live Wire '97 by Heckfire
Ancient: Live Wire '97
This is kinda fun...let's throw another oldie up.

Bit of a preface to this one: the 90s were not a good time to be a Spider-Man fan. I know, "DUH"...but, seriously, you had to be there. It was BAD (except "Untold Tales of Spider-Man"...do yourself a favor and look it up). I was a pretty devoted Spider-Fan, but the Clone Saga had just finished me off and I'd already largely jumped ship to DC by that point, particularly for the then-new Superboy (back when he was in fun 90s Peter Pan mode, before Geoff Johns turned him into Broody McLinebacker in the 2000s).

Then, in '96, a little, forgotten comic book came out called "Marvel Vs. DC" (or "DC Vs. Marvel" depending on the issue). In the penultimate issue, The Spectre and the Living Tribunal did a mad gambit to save the two universes by mashing them together into one, the Amalgam Universe, and both participating publishers put out six books each of the resulting characters. Not ALL of the Amalgam books were gems, but most were pretty great, and my undisputed favorite was "Spider-Boy" by Karl Kesel and the late Mike Wieringo. I mean, c'mon, it had the co-creators of Superboy and Impulse, two of the best characters in 90s DC Comics, teaming up to reinvent Spider-Man...it was practically MADE for me. The heartbreaker, though, was that it was only ONE ISSUE. I became obsessed with trying to recapture the fun of that single issue no matter what, and, as I frequently have quoted, "if there is a story you want to read, and no one has written it, it is your DUTY to write it."

After several attempts, I ended up with this guy: George Johnson, aka "Live Wire," a teenager who gains the power to manipulate ambient static electricity and, through that, metallic objects like cables and, yes, wires. I was pretty gonzo on this character at first, but the more I worked with him, the more I realized that I'd been going about this project all wrong: in my efforts to recreate the experience of "Spider-Boy," all I'd really done was make an electrical Spider-Man wannabe, and any time I tried to tweak it to not be so Peter Parker-esque, he ended up as Teen Magneto.

Dejected, I filed him away...for about a week, when, while walking through the local mall, I saw the "dancing blobs" scene from "Flubber" playing in the window of Suncoast Videos and suddenly had one of those "3AM Alchemy" moments about 12 hours earlier than normal. My mind suddenly composited one of the Flubber gel-bodies over Live Wire...and The Mighty Goo, as seen elsewhere in this gallery, was born.

Still, with the passage of time and my problems with refining Goo into a workable character, I was reminded of this guy while watching the player character in "Sunset Overdrive," because he essentially had Live Wire's powers AND managed to successfully solve the one unsolvable issue I'd had with the character, how he traveled. So, who knows?

Maybe lightning will strike twice.
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Ancient: Behold...THE HAMSTER by Heckfire
Ancient: Behold...THE HAMSTER
Another ancient pic and...y'know, I got fuck-all idea of what's going on with this one.
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Ancient: The Hound '93 by Heckfire
Ancient: The Hound '93
Wow, it's been a shit long time since I've uploaded anything...mainly because of my block, but schoolwork's a beast this semester. Well, that's part of why I stockpiled all those old sketchbook scans last year...let's see...OH, here's one that may be the second oldest piece of art in the place.

Back in '93, I was part of a would-be independent comic company with several of my ROP classmates called "Color Blind Comix." The goal was to do the kind of diversity that (still, 22 years on) isn't seen as often in mainstream superhero books, with titles like founder J.T.'s "Urban Avenger" and another guy's "El Corazon." My contribution was the team book, "The Young Champions"...I want to find the character sketch for one team member, Wildcard, because he was Ben-10 about a decade before there was Ben-10.

But this guy was the muscle of the team: Harvey the Hound, or just "The Hound" for short. Curious thing about him, he's actually based on the first character I ever made, back when I was like 6 or something...needless to say dude was much different back then, but hey. The idea was that he was a sort of a "Captain Marvel" type (quel suprize!), a skinny little guy who would place this little golden "H" on his cap, say the word "Roofdrak," and then turn into the furry mass of muscle above. I didn't think J.T. would go for him, but he loved the guy since he was so different looking from "standard" superheroes.

Color Blind Comix sorta fell apart, as these things tend to do, but it was fun while it lasted, and was, to date anyway, the closest I ever got to being a professional comic book artist.

...urgh, always unsettles me to be reminded that I was so much better an artist back in my teens.
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deviantID

Heckfire
Failure made Flesh
United States
Current Residence: Middle of Gaea's Buttcrack, CO
Favourite genre of music: Miscellaneous
Operating System: WinXP (part of a settlement)
Skin of choice: Naked
Favourite cartoon character: Either Spike Speigel or Bender
Personal Quote: "Grab a shovel-I'm one skull away from a Mouseketeer reunion." -Bender
Interests
[10:07:49 PM] Ness VII: I just posted something I'm ashamed of, and I got a comment that it's "amazing"
[10:08:24 PM] Thomas Lee: I know those feels, man.
[10:08:31 PM] Thomas Lee: It that butt pic?
[10:08:34 PM] Ness VII: yes.
[10:08:44 PM] Thomas Lee: Saw it on my FA
[10:09:04 PM] Thomas Lee: Anything hyper-sized will get loads of attention.
[10:09:14 PM] Thomas Lee: I call it the Winger Effect.
[10:09:37 PM] Thomas Lee: Just ask Mar, I think it pays his rent.
[10:09:52 PM] Ness VII: ..........................................I think I know the reason you aren't getting enough views yourself, Heckfire.
[10:10:02 PM] Thomas Lee: You think?
[10:10:14 PM] Ness VII: Also, I must look into this "winger effect"
[10:10:26 PM] Thomas Lee: Make sure Safe Search is on.
[10:10:40 PM] Thomas Lee: Otherwise I claim no responsibility.
[10:11:00 PM] Ness VII: I was just telling Orin I don't want to die unrecognized and poor despite my efforts like Tesla and Van Gogh did.
[10:11:32 PM] Thomas Lee: Yes, aiming for Stephen King's existence is a noble and lauded goal.
[10:11:39 PM] Thomas Lee: Minus the near-fatal car accident.
[10:12:38 PM] Thomas Lee: Avoiding dying as Phillip K. Dick is my goal as well.
[10:13:41 PM] Thomas Lee: Gonna need some radical medical treatments if I'm gonna avoid the "addicted to painkillers" part, though.
[10:14:17 PM] Thomas Lee: I think I'm too suicidally depressed to worry about the paranoid dementia, though.
[10:14:26 PM] Thomas Lee: So I got that going for me. Which is nice.
[10:15:33 PM] Thomas Lee: ...the frequency in which I quote the groundskeeper from "Caddyshack" is starting to worry me.
[10:17:57 PM] Orin J.: don't let it worry you. you've got enough worries.
[10:19:09 PM] Thomas Lee: Heya Pot, it's me, Kettle.
[10:20:07 PM] Thomas Lee: If I could go to my grave as Bill Murray, I would consider it a life well-lived.
[10:20:34 PM] Thomas Lee: Even taking "The Razor's Edge" into account.
[10:20:52 PM] Thomas Lee: Which was actually not a bad film, it just wasn't as good as the original.
[10:21:00 PM] Orin J.: so drunk, feeling up women half your age and getting away with insanity because nobody is willing to rat you out and ruin their "you'll never belive who i saw!" story?
[10:21:18 PM] Thomas Lee: Sounds like paradise to me.
[10:21:49 PM] Thomas Lee: Especially the second part.
[10:22:45 PM] Orin J.: bill murry's greatest act has truly been retirement.
[10:22:58 PM] Thomas Lee: Living as the cross between an urban legend and an Internet meme...what a country.
[10:24:11 PM] Thomas Lee: And he isn't retired. He just fired his agent in the 80s and now will only take jobs left on his answering machine that sound fun.
[10:24:33 PM] Thomas Lee: Which explains "Space Jam" in many, many ways.
[10:24:47 PM] Ness VII: Which is how Ass Moses Jones was born.
[10:25:17 PM] Thomas Lee: I guiltily admit, I am not familiar with that one.
[10:25:37 PM] Orin J.: osmosis jones.
[10:26:00 PM] Ness VII: It's a movie where Chris Rock plays a paramecium and has Star Wars inside Bill Murray.
[10:26:00 PM] Orin J.: although i can see bill mishearing it and taking the role of ass moses jones.
[10:26:01 PM] Thomas Lee: Hey, I LIKED that movie. I based the male Gorgons off of Thrax.
[10:26:34 PM] Thomas Lee: ...and it wasn't Star Wars, it was Lethal Weapon.
[10:26:43 PM] Ness VII: Exodus 2: The Story of Ass Moses Jones.
[10:27:03 PM] Ness VII: The WIZARD of the HARMONICA
[10:27:04 PM] Ness VII: LOL
[10:27:06 PM] Thomas Lee: Considering what happened to Shatner's character in the final scene.
[10:27:28 PM] Thomas Lee: Let's just say he lived up to the first syllable of his last name.
[10:28:34 PM] Orin J.: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
[10:31:25 PM] Ness VII: youtu.be/0IBC0uXcPKQ
[10:31:38 PM] Ness VII: The whole movie is just 90 minutes of this
[10:31:55 PM] Thomas Lee: What, Osmosis Jones?
[10:32:01 PM] Ness VII: No, Exodus 2.
[10:32:08 PM] Ness VII: I just wrote it.
[10:32:10 PM] Orin J.: i'm too tired to do anything complex like how i colored her right now. sorry.
[10:32:27 PM] Thomas Lee: Impressive.
[10:32:43 PM] Thomas Lee: Wizard of the harmonica, you say?
[10:33:22 PM] Thomas Lee: Sounds like a post-Hollywood insanity Frank Miller comic, for some reason.
[10:33:38 PM] Thomas Lee: "Exodus 2: This Time, It's Personal"
[10:33:40 PM] Orin J.: he wishes
[10:34:29 PM] Thomas Lee: I'm legit surprised no one seems to be talking about DK3: The Master Race. Wasn't the first issue released last month?
[10:34:33 PM] Ness VII: After he frees the Hebrews from Pharaoh, he turns into an old black man and then breaks into a 90-minute harmonica solo.
[10:34:53 PM] Ness VII: Donkey Kong 3: The Master Race.
[10:35:01 PM] Ness VII: Someone's getting gritty.
[10:35:06 PM] Thomas Lee: "Exodus 2: Eclectic Boogaloo"
[10:35:14 PM] Orin J.: while the the bacteria people dance and hambone in the bakcground
[10:35:55 PM] Thomas Lee: ...I was about to make a racism comment until I remembered this joke originally spun out of a talk about Osmosis Jones.
[10:36:19 PM] Ness VII: Ass Moses Jones freed the bacteria Hebrews from Pharaoh Bill Murray.
[10:36:27 PM] Thomas Lee: WIth a fart.
[10:36:47 PM] Orin J.: it was a whistler, so it was worked into the finale cut of the song.
[10:36:55 PM] Thomas Lee: I take it back, this now sounds like a John Krickfalusi joint.
[10:37:17 PM] Ness VII: Joints are the only way to explain John K's work.
[10:37:19 PM] Orin J.: while not lying, i'd like to think my fart jokes have more class than that.
[10:37:46 PM] Thomas Lee: And slightly more sulphur content.
[10:38:18 PM] Thomas Lee: ...gee, I WONDER why JP hasn't said anything yet...
[10:38:41 PM] Ness VII: He sent the 10 plagues including Pepto Bismol, Mucinex, Listerine, and Cortizone.
[10:38:56 PM] Ness VII: He then stopped halfway because he realized he was killing his own people.
[10:39:28 PM] Thomas Lee: His divine prophesy was spoken of in the label of a tube of Preparation H.
[10:39:50 PM] Thomas Lee: They went to the mountains to find it.
[10:40:20 PM] Ness VII: Thou shalt apply liberally to the affected area, whilst staying way from the anal canal.
[10:40:46 PM] Thomas Lee: But the wrods went unheeded. Many were lost in the black hole.
[10:40:51 PM] Ness VII: Know thee William Shatner died that way.
[10:41:06 PM] Thomas Lee: Er, brown hole.
[10:41:39 PM] Thomas Lee: Yea verily, when the log rolls over, we will die, we will die.
[10:41:52 PM] Ness VII: Man, that's an OLD joke.
[10:42:09 PM] Thomas Lee: I prefer the term "vintage."
[10:42:09 PM] Ness VII: I haven't heard that one since junior high.
[10:42:15 PM] Orin J.: it's a stinker all right.
[10:42:22 PM] Thomas Lee: Quite literally.
[10:43:44 PM] Thomas Lee: We're making Biblical humor, you think I wouldn't pull out a shit joke nearly as old?
[10:44:53 PM] Ness VII: We're making Biblical humor based on Osmosis Jones.
[10:44:57 PM] Ness VII: How did this happen
[10:45:00 PM] Thomas Lee: ...part of me wants to save this conversation for prosperity.
[10:45:08 PM] Ness VII: Posterity.
[10:45:14 PM] Ness VII: Posterior.
[10:45:15 PM] Orin J.: this conversation will never prosper.
[10:45:19 PM] Thomas Lee: Posteriority.
[10:45:51 PM] Thomas Lee: Dark Knight 3: The Asster Race
[10:45:52 PM] Orin J.: i know not what gods you people believe in, but i know you are sinning in their eye.
[10:46:10 PM] Ness VII: Hopefully not the brown eye.
[10:46:25 PM] Thomas Lee: Worship the brown star.
[10:46:32 PM] Orin J.: no, that's a dune joke.
[10:46:50 PM] Thomas Lee: Or it shall rain its vengeance upon thee.
[10:46:54 PM] Orin J.: i don't get enouh sleep to do dune jokes.
[10:47:11 PM] Jim Palo: I'm gonna go with being busy posting something as my excuse for not saying anything this time. Either way, I should be getting to bed. Later.
[10:47:22 PM] Ness VII: Later, Jim
[10:47:25 PM] Thomas Lee: And you do NOT want the brown star raining on you.
[10:47:29 PM] Thomas Lee: Night man
[10:47:35 PM] Orin J.: night palo, good job dodging the whole conversation!
[10:47:53 PM] Thomas Lee: Wipe your shoes well.
[10:48:03 PM] Orin J.: i'm barefoot.
[10:48:06 PM] Orin J.: ....shit.
[10:48:09 PM] Orin J.: SHUT IT
[10:48:11 PM] Thomas Lee: Literally.
[10:48:21 PM] Thomas Lee: TOO LATE MOTHAFUCKA
[10:48:38 PM] Thomas Lee: MUAAHAHAAAAA
[10:49:12 PM] Orin J.: yesss, embrace your drive to do things to spite others.....let it feed you, make you strong....
[10:49:15 PM] Ness VII: Dragge notte yon papier beneathe thy solef uponne thy leeving the lavatorie.
[10:49:47 PM] Thomas Lee: Wipeth front to back, nevah the other way round.
[10:50:07 PM] Thomas Lee: Lest yon dingleberries flourish.
[10:50:46 PM] Thomas Lee: Embrace the dark side. Embrace the power of the brown star.
[10:50:47 PM] Ness VII: And verily, the Great One decreed:
"Balls to butt, good to strut.
Butt to balls, get shitty draws."
[10:51:20 PM] Orin J.: or just wax your asshole.
[10:51:52 PM] Thomas Lee: Manscaping. It's not just for Krillin anymore.
[10:51:59 PM] Ness VII: Bill Murray > Moses > Shit Jokes
[10:52:15 PM] Ness VII: The Ness-Orin-Heckfire Triumvirate, ladies and gentlemen!
[10:52:39 PM] Thomas Lee: Fear our power, Brown Lantern's might.
[10:52:55 PM] Ness VII: I don't want none of that light.
[10:52:57 PM] Orin J.: it's this or monstergirl converations, and nobody is willing to be the guy that starts it lately.
[10:53:27 PM] Orin J.: that light it the power cosmic!
[10:53:29 PM] Ness VII: I had to do a translating job, hopefully I can pull away long enough to do it
[10:53:30 PM] Thomas Lee: Didn't 4chan create a whole bunch of new Lantern Corps a few years ago?
[10:53:41 PM] Orin J.: terrax's power cosmic, to be exact.
[10:53:58 PM] Orin J.: i thought it was DC, but i can see thenm poaching off 4chan.
[10:54:19 PM] Thomas Lee: Like the Grey Lanterns, wielding the Light of Apathy?
[10:54:30 PM] Thomas Lee: Or were those the Beige Lanterns?
[10:54:47 PM] Orin J.: i have no strong opinions on this joke!
[10:55:04 PM] Thomas Lee: Never trusted the damn Neutrals.
[10:55:28 PM] Thomas Lee: ...so, the Brown Lantern Corps....what would their "emotion" be?
[10:56:16 PM] Orin J.: shitposting.
[10:56:23 PM] Orin J.: they are "that feel"
[10:56:28 PM] Thomas Lee: ...oh, I LIKE that.
[10:56:54 PM] Orin J.: their first wave of recruits? all of /B/
[10:57:02 PM] Thomas Lee: And their power batteries are tiny toilets with handles.
[10:57:18 PM] Thomas Lee: With the seats perpetually up.
[10:58:13 PM] Orin J.: ness, tell boag we need him. if he agrees i'll add him back in.
[10:58:28 PM] Thomas Lee: Yeah, we need a Brown Lantern Oath.
[10:59:02 PM] Ness VII: dunno if he's on, he hasn't shitposted all day.
[10:59:08 PM] Ness VII: His battery must be low.
[10:59:16 PM] Thomas Lee: He is our Killowog.
[10:59:26 PM] Ness VII: Kilo-Log.
[10:59:29 PM] Thomas Lee: ...make that Guy Gardener.
[10:59:59 PM] Ness VII: If he trolls over, we will die, we will die.
[11:00:07 PM] Thomas Lee: Nice callback.


[11:19:11 PM] Ness VII: Though our toilet's clogged, and paper gone,
We fight for the right to use the john
The bowl is stained, the rim is pelted,
But whoever smelt it, dealt it.
[11:19:25 PM] Thomas Lee: I likeit.
[11:19:35 PM] Thomas Lee: I only got the first three lines of mine
[11:19:50 PM] Thomas Lee: "In posted thread or toilet bowl,
We share the wit of dankest troll,
Let those who don't replace the roll,"
[11:19:50 PM] Ness VII: T'weren't easy.
[11:20:00 PM] Thomas Lee: ...something.
[11:20:34 PM] Orin J.: take it in the tighetest hole?
[11:20:39 PM] Thomas Lee: ...
[11:20:45 PM] Thomas Lee: ...I could kiss you, Orin.
[11:20:54 PM] Orin J.: not with that mouth you couldn't!
[11:20:56 PM] Thomas Lee: ALL THE HOMO
[11:21:36 PM] Thomas Lee: I legit don't know which one I wanna use, mine and Orin's or Ness'?


[12:03:21 AM] Ness VII: That'll do, pig. That'll do.
[12:03:41 AM] Thomas Lee: Babe: the first Brown Lantern?
[12:04:14 AM] Thomas Lee: The reds have Dex-Star, the greens Ch'p, the blues Hope Corgi...
[12:04:49 AM] Thomas Lee: The Brown Lanterns have Sq'weee, the cosmic hog.
[12:05:33 AM] Ness VII: Baa Ram Ewe! Baa Ram Ewe!
To your rolls, your bowls and your holes, be true!
Shit be true, Baa Ram Ewe!
[12:05:50 AM] Thomas Lee: What, a third oath now?
[12:05:57 AM] Ness VII: That's what I thought
[12:06:26 AM] Ness VII: Better than anything we came up with.
[12:06:36 AM] Thomas Lee: I dunno, I still like mine.
[12:07:15 AM] Ness VII: Maybe they're so apathetic they can't settle on a single oath.
[12:08:13 AM] Ness VII: To date, the Brown Lanterns now have 540 oaths, all of them stored in the great Galactic Suppository.
[12:08:17 AM] Ness VII: Er, Depository.
[12:09:07 AM] Thomas Lee: My favorite Lantern Corps headcanon is that male Star Sapphires wear their power rings on their cocks, that's why they were banned.
[12:09:33 AM] Ness VII: (Sinestro did not call 911 from his car)
[12:09:52 AM] Thomas Lee: The grassy knoll was a ring construct.
[12:10:31 AM] Thomas Lee: There IS a lizard Illuminati, but they were assigned by the pre-New 52 Guardians, so it's alright.
[12:10:41 AM] Ness VII: Kilo-Log acted alone... because no one would go to the bathroom with him.
[12:11:02 AM] Thomas Lee: Too afraid of learning what a "poozer" actually IS.

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kanyiko Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Have a very Merry Christmas!! ^_^
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Happy Birthday! :party::iconcakeplz::boogie:
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Have your cake and eat it too Dance! On behalf of the Cybertronians admin team, I wish you Happy Birthday! Have your cake and eat it too Dance!

Party Have your cake and eat it too Party
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Happy birthday
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Happy birthday Heck!
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A very Happy Birthday to you!! :hug:
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Happabirthday
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:party::party:HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!:party::party::cake:
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Happi burthday :cake::party:    :hug:
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