So, day before New Year's, I learned that my uncle died on the 19th, the same day my PSN account was hacked and the same day I'd decided to try and attempt to reconnect to my family by getting Christmas presents for the niece and nephew I barely know.
What makes me feel bad is that I was less upset about his death and not being told about it than I was about the realization that my attempt at making up for being a shitty uncle would just be seen as me feeling guilty over a death I never even knew happened; I was even told that much when I found out and called my parents about it.
Truth be known, I barely knew him; he was already in his 50s by my earliest memories of him. He was a sweet man, though, he and his wife, my mom's sister; every birthday up until my 20s they'd always send us checks for $20, which when you're 10 or so is a SHITLOAD of money, especially in the early 80s.
Honestly, though, my aunt's death hit me harder than his...he was lost to dementia, not sure if it was Alzheimer's related or not, shortly after I'd followed my ex out to Colorado. When she died a few years ago, on the day before my birthday, he didn't even recognize her and couldn't understand why people kept telling him about this strange woman's death. That was the most horrifying thing I'd ever heard; they'd been together since the 40s, devoted almost their entire lives to each other, and when she died he didn't even know who she was. To live together for all your life with someone, to have them outlive you, yet to still be alone when your end came...I still have nightmares about it. I'd like to think that, if there is an afterlife, she was waiting for him, and he recognized her the minute he arrived.
SO, I discovered something that unexpectedly pissed me off, namely seeing the pencil art of a really popular artist and realizing it's total GARBAGE and that their style is ENTIRELY due to digital skills. And then they post a note about how they already have over 8000 watchers in just a couple of years while I've been on dA for a decade and just hit 742. I'm not even a "cult classic" like I used to joke.
Y'know, I ain't gonna piss on their lack of pencil skills...Hell, it's not even THEM I'm pissed AT. What pissed me off is that I taught myself how to draw back in 1986 with pencil on paper and THAT is how I've been drawing for almost 30 years, and in the past 10 or 11 the one thing I keep hearing, on those RARE occasions someone outside of my usual circle deigns to comment on my artwork, is "So, when are you going to finish it?"
And any time I mention to someone about my frustration at this, their response is INEVITABLY "Well, learn to draw with a tablet."
I HAVE BEEN DRAWING THE EXACT SAME WAY FOR THREE DECADES, DO YOU THINK IT'S THAT EASY TO SUDDENLY TEACH YOURSELF A BRAND NEW WAY OF DOING SOMETHING THAT GOES TOTALLY CONTRARY TO EVERYTHING YOU NORMALLY DO?
Do you know what it's like to have to try and teach yourself how to draw by NOT putting lines on paper that you can see and touch and FUCKING SMELL EVEN and how to draw by NOT LOOKING AT WHERE YOUR HAND IS BUT BY LOOKING AT A FUCKING COMPUTER SCREEN IN A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT LOCATION and how to color NOT by putting pigments you mix or EVEN MORE FUCKING PENCILS to AN ACTUALLY PIECE OF PAPER WHERE YOU CAN SEE THE LINES YOU JUST DREW?
I mean, fuck, it took me THIS long to get my EXISTING skills to their current level. How long will it take me to get to this point in A COMPLETELY NEW MEDIUM?
...OK, I take full blame for not having inking skills, though. It was the fucking 80s, though, if you wanted to be a comic book penciller, you typically handed your PENCIL WORK, HENCE THE NAME, to an INKER. I was ACTUALLY TOLD BY PROFESSIONALS IN THE INDUSTRY at the SDCC that inking my own stuff looked BAD in professional comics.
Y'know what, though? FUCK IT...if it's so goddamn easy, like everyone keep telling me, then I'm gonna fucking do it. First official New Year's FUCKING Resolution of 2015: by this time next year, I will be a practicing color digital artist.
I taught myself the skills I already have, I taught myself how to drive, I taught myself how to FUCKING READ AND TELL TIME AT TWO FUCKING YEARS OLD.This SHIT ends NOW.
Current Residence: Middle of Gaea's Buttcrack, CO|
Favourite genre of music: Miscellaneous
Operating System: WinXP (part of a settlement)
Skin of choice: Naked
Favourite cartoon character: Either Spike Speigel or Bender
Personal Quote: "Grab a shovel-I'm one skull away from a Mouseketeer reunion." -Bender